I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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