he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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