you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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