He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
