Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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