Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
