.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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