After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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