He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
