and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
