Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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