Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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