For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
