I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
