Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
