I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
