he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
