I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
