Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
