He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
