he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
