i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You pole danced in your parka.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
