I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
