I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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