Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
