I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
