i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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