In the future we'll all be gay
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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