The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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