Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
