I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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