so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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