he thought i was a dude.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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