Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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