I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
