the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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