I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
