you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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