I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
