forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
