Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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