I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
