I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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