the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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