I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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