ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
