you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
