okay pat passed out under dana's car
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i've created a new STD.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
