Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
