i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
