I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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